Sugo-i

Was just looking through some pictures on my folder.. its hard to ignore these creampies, they look too delicious - have.to.share. =D

They said its easy to put on weight in Hong Kong. Pui. Try Tokyo you countryheads! =P

Cant wait to stuff my face on ya'll...........

Work are like men

You cant do with them, and you cant do without them. Nabe, sibe hate it.

Couple months back, i was so worried about being retrenched cos there wasnt much work to be done. But fast forward 4mths later..... i am so fucking busy my leave for July is still pending, and my gut feel is telling me it might just get REJECTED... *sob*.. where got like that one!?!? I wana go Euroooope!!!

Blah. =(

BFFs??

Funny how i could relate so clearly to what this article is all about.
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Toxic/unhealthy friendships are those that are unfulfilling, unrewarding and often unequal.

Toxic friends can stress you out, use you and wear you down physically and mentally. Yet, many of us keep toxic friends in our lives for whatever reasons. We like our toxic friends and we dislike them at the same time. We put up with all they have to dish out over and over again. We complain to ourselves, other friends, relatives and whomever else will listen to us gripe about how our toxic friends do this and that to us.

But in many cases, what do we do about it? Absolutely nothing, and doing nothing becomes a bigger problem than the toxic friend. Why? because many of us don't tell our friend that their behavior causes us to feel a certain way. So as a result, our negative feelings and emotions toward that friend continue to build up and before long we find ourselves exhibiting the characterstics of a toxic friend. We become the great pretenders (the phonies) and act as if nothing is wrong; hoping our friend will "change" or "get it together". Which in most instances they won't because they don't know how to or they just don't want to.

Then there are those of us who find ways to let our toxic friends know exactly how their behavior makes us feel; unfortunately each and every time you mention it your friend she seems to have a hearing and/or comprehension problem. Or better yet, she tries to turn the tables on you and tell you, you're the one with the problem. Either way, if your friend turns on a deaf ear when you try to tell her that you're tired of the way she treats you, then you might want to ask yourself some serious questions in regards to the friendship, for example:

Is there reciprocity in the friendship?
Is there truth and honesty in my friendship?
Is there a mutual respect for one another?
Is my friend loyal to me and I to her?
Can I freely express my true feelings about the friendship?
Does my friend criticize and belittle me?
Does my friend abuse the friendship and take advantage of me?

The list of questions can go on and on but if the answers are mostly negative, you might want to re-evaluate your friendship.

You see, my former toxic friend had no intentions of ending the friendship because she reaped all the benefits from it until I decided that enough was enough for me. Initially, she would not even acknowledge her negative/unhealthy behaviors, and when she finally did she would often say to me "that's just who I am". She had absolutely no intentions of changing who she was. She wanted me to accept her as she was and continue to cater to her needs while she continued to use me and betray my trust. She expected me to remain her friend at the expense of my own mental health. I had already done that for much to long.

I had been through the reasoning and compromising phase with my former friend many times, but all that did for me was to prolong the inevitable which was the complete dissolution of the friendship. My former toxic friend wanted to keep me as her friend regardless of how unhappy I was. She made many attempts to hold onto the friendship which was of course quite disturbing and challenging for me.

And although I took the bold step of confronting her many times about her behaviors and how they had such a negative impact on the relationships with her "friends"( especially our friendship), I knew she wasn't going to change. I knew in my heart that I had accepted her for who she was for much to long because it taken a great emotional toll on me. I realized that yes, I had to continue to accept her as she was but I no longer had to allow her in my personal space.

She no longer had to be a part of my life. She could be who she was as long as it did not have an impact on any aspect of my life. So ultimately, I made the painful decision to walk away from the friendship. I had to detox her from my life. I had to change my behavior, my way of thinking and responding to my former toxic friend. I literally had to act as if she did not exist. I had to rediscover who I was.

My former toxic friend had used me for her own personal gain for the duration of the friendship. I should have walked away a week after I met her because that's how soon she started to use me but we developed a very close bond immediately; were we inseparable. So I justified her negative & unhealthy behaviors by reminding myself that she was "such a nice person". I realized much later that being excessively nice to people was how she hooked her victims.

Sometime during the friendship, I also learned that I was not her first victim, I was just the latest. You see, my former toxic friend had a history of making a new friend almost every year. Unfortunately, those friends got fed up with her and eventually they became her acquaintances as opposed to the close friend as she once referred to them all. My former friend told me that those once close friends had all backed away from her. I could clearly understand why. I should have done the same. She would always say to me that I was the one who stayed around the longest and "put up with her". In reality, I was suppose to walk away a year after I met her just like the others had done, because that's how often she changed close friends.

At any rate, being what I thought was a "good friend" I put up with her nonsense for such a long time because she "needed" my help with a lot of things in her life. Based on her past, I knew she needed a good supportive friend and that is what I thought I was to her. It was one of the biggest mistakes I could have ever made in terms of my friendship with her. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't until a fews year after I discovered the betrayal that I was wise enough to walk away for good. I could no longer endure anymore emotional pain and suffering caused by someone who had continued to betray and use me in the way that she had. So I walked away and stayed away.

Afterall, that's who she was.